Single & frustrated, embracing the experience.

It’s the perfect time of the year to be frustrated if you’re without a bae, a boo, or whatever you want to call it. I hate those words anyways. The weather is changing & it’s cozy. Everyone wants to buy gifts for the one they love, cuddle up, and get the whole package. That’s what matters right? Nope, there’s plenty more to it. We’ve got a world focused on relationships and that’s exactly why I’m writing this. For people who are pursuing God while being single & experiencing feelings of frustration & FOMO (fear of missing out). It’s okay, though. I’m one of you along for this ride. I’m single. I love Jesus and I want to love him more and more. Yet, the frustration and feelings of “why God” have crossed my mind. I’ve also learned some key things though in these past 6 months of singleness that God has used to keep me narrowly focused on Him and the blessing he wants to bring. So, as a young man, not an expert, I’d love to share my heart. There’s no secret, no magic formula. But the key is a devotion to God and his great plan. It’s full attention to him because we have faith and believe, that he will provide not on our time but HIS. So here it goes.

You need to self reflect. Look yourself in the mirror and ask, “what can I improve on?” We have taken up this focus of who he or she is, and lacked energy in preparing ourselves. You must be honest with you. What can you work on? How much deeper can you dive with God? Where do you lack love? How could you work harder? Are you healthy? What does you soul look like? These are things that matter. Many of us can waste our time away seeking a Netflix show (One Tree Hill is good great I know), yet our heart looks mediocre because we spend no time taking care of it. We’ve failed to look at US, and we’ve wasted precious time looking for them. No no no. God wants YOU FIRST AND FOREMOST. He knows that as you gain ground with Him, he will prepare your heart and everything in you for what HE is ultimately going to bring. It’s a definite surrender of control. Stop trying to control what you can’t control. Give God those “reigns,” before you steer yourself in a direction you were never meant to go.

Next, you’ve got to embrace. This goes hand in hand with the control thing I spoke on above. This is where I struggle the most, being transparent. I love to FIGHT the process. Yet, it’s the process that is going to catapult me to my blessing. Read again, it’s the process that’s going to catapult you to your blessing. You & I, we must quit fighting God. It’s time to surrender and embrace this season. The reason is because we all have different seasons, which I love. For me, it’s time to embrace what God is doing. He wants to do work in ME before he gives me THEM. And that’s a tough pill to swallow. When we look around, and people are throwing around diamond rings or taking corny Instagram couples pics….yes, it gets us in our feels (me included lol). All in all though, we must realize that our embrace is so very important. It’s these tough moments that we sit with God and grow. It’s these frustrating times that we find our true identity in God and run this race we were meant to run. Here’s one thing Carson had to realize: God’s calling for me is not tied to any relationship I may or may not have, God’s calling for me is between God & myself. So hear that for your life. God’s calling for you isn’t tied to anyone else, it’s simply for you. That’s something to celebrate and find comfort in. As Louie Giglio has spoken before, “we need a Maker not a mate.” At the end of the day if I know myself with God, it doesn’t matter about him/her. This loneliness you may feel, brush that off, this season of embrace was never meant for bad. It’s meant for good. Find a point of relaxation in this season God has brought you to.

Oh, how crazy these distractions can be. The enemy is so good at distracting us. He will use people. He will use social media. Anything we believe may not be a distraction, it probably will be. You have to fight these things off. I encourage you to seek discipline and wisdom. Run from people and situations you KNOW God has not planned for you. So yes, you must listen to God and healthy voices. You don’t have time for negativity, or false friendships. I say all the time that ourselves can be our biggest enemies. If you’re single and leaning into God, then you don’t need to be distracted by things against Him. Flee those people. Fight those situations. Because let me say this, once you let someone in your life who you obviously don’t need, you are not disrupting yourself from receiving what God knows your need. Take that all in. Don’t cause yourself disruption right now. Yes, you aren’t in a relationship, yes you’re tempted to run to things you don’t need…here’s a reminder to stand firm. Stand stronger. Find HEALTHY people to help you in this.

You need to learn everything you possibly can in this time. Maybe you feel bored and maybe you look back on past relationships and think, “ it was all their fault, never mine.” That’s an awful mindset to have. We have all made mistakes. We all have lessons to learn. Where have you gone wrong? What do you need to know for the future that you haven’t worked on now? This takes some serious guts. You may get your feelings hurt. But praise God that we don’t lead a life of feelings, we lead a life of faith. It may hurt as you go through changes. We NEED to change. Every day you should be learning new things about you. It’s about getting better, never staying the same. Think of how USELESS your life may become if you never grew over time. God is longing to work amazing things in & through you, so accept that. Evaluate everything you can. Ask questions. It all matters. If you’re serious about gaining something great in the future, then you’re going to focus more on yourself right now instead of the thought of “your next relationship.”

To conclude everything I’ve said: this is NOT a time to complain. Life is so good when you trust God has your future in His hands. There’s no need to wish you were in a different place, or had a better season right now. Your right now is a great place for God to work in. Settle in, there’s so much JOY on this ride. I encourage you to work harder than you ever have. Take your relationship with God more serious than ever. Because that relationship you have with him is your KEY to a GREAT relationship with someone else. How do you expect to love someone well if you first don’t know His love (1 John 4)?  That’s a reminder I like preaching to myself. God is in control of all this. Yes, I may be frustrated and angry some days because I want what I don’t have. Yet, deep down He’s holding us tight. He wants to ready us for something beautiful. Let’s learn to trust this process together. Failure to embrace the process cannot ignite new growth with God. Learn about you. I have to believe in the blessing of being single. I have less to worry about, I’ve got my God to give my energy too, and I have so much to learn. Don’t let yourself get stuck in “flings” or the compromise of your own frustration. If God hasn’t revealed something to you yet, don’t waste time chasing what isn’t yours. This process, this frustration, you’ll look back at the work you’ve out in & say, “it was worth it GOD. Thank you so much.

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21 thoughts on “Single & frustrated, embracing the experience.

  1. “God’s calling for you isn’t tied to anyone else, it’s simply for you.”

    Awesome blog. Thought-provoking and plenty of truth. Definitely provides a new view of singleness. Searching for God instead of someone else. Excellent job.

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  2. Thanks for sharing these words! God always works in amazing ways as this exact message has been on my heart. I love when you said, “There’s no need to wish you were in a different place, or had a better season right now.” God calls us to grow right here and right now in our singleness or wherever he has us. I just posted on my Twitter the other day that the season we are in right now is where God calls us to grow. Don’t put it off. It’s so easy in college to get caught up in wishing and hoping for a relationship, but that can become an idol in our lives. God is so good, and this is a crazy ride he has for us. Ultimately He does have a plan for us and we just have to grow where we are, and he will show us when it’s His time. Thanks again for sharing, and keep writing the words God gives you! God is doing great things through you !! Would love to meet you one day and share our journeys.

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  3. I loved your words you are so right! It’s about the process & focusing on what God wants to do in us during this time of singleness. I get upset sometimes because I’m so excited to find the “one” who I can love & be loved in return for the rest of my life. But it’s SO amazing the way God will work in us if we just surrender with open arms to Him! Just like you said how can we expect to love someone well if we don’t know His love first. Great post, thank you so much for sharing. I love how you say you are in it with us through the “singleness” lol it’s truly blessing from God that we will all thank the Lord for. We should even thank Him now through faith in our futures.

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  4. Preach! God is so good! Thank you for sharing your heart and letting the Holy Spirit speak through you! As I too struggle with being single, I appreciate your honesty about how it does suck, but I love how you always point everything back to a heavenly perspective.
    Ephesians 3:20-21 says “God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.” I look to this verse daily as it brings me peace and affirms that God is in control. He is always working within us and transforming us to be more like Him, if we allow Him to do so. I hope that you can also find peace in this verse! Thanks again for sharing whats on your heart!

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  5. This was something I really needed to hear. Thank you for sharing onto twitter so that I could see it! I’m 21, with a young daughter, and going through a divorce, but through this I found a little more courage that I can make it. I appreciate you taking the time to share your heart!

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  6. Thank you for posting. It is good knowing that’s there’s more guys going through all of these feelings. Keep up the good work. God bless

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  7. Wow, I really needed this. I’ve been going through periods when all around me people I know are dating, and all the pictures get me feeling lonely and wondering why I am still single. I’ve recently come to realize that as you said, God is working in me before meet them, and that I should be looking for ways to grow my relationship with Him. Your article really hit home, thank you again!
    God bless! 😊

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    1. Oops, I didn’t realize that my comment came out that awkward. I meant to say that there have been several times, particularly in thr last couple years, when I’m acutely aware of my singleness. Also, I meant to say that I know God is using my singleness in order to prepare me to meet the man God has picked out for me.

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  8. Forever grateful. It’s amazing how God puts something like this in front of you in the exact moment you need it most. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your words and positively impacting my life. I think it’s easy to overlook how much you do in people’s lives that you don’t even realize. Words cannot express how much you have changed my attitude and outlook. I pray that one day I can be as influential as you are in spreading the news of God’s grace.

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  9. Ephesians 3:14-21
    Thank you for sharing how God is working and guiding your life. ..this is so Right on…
    This relationship with our Creator is a beautiful gift and what He so desires. ..it’s amazing to see what He can and will do if we focus on the Lord through prayer, meditation on the Word og God, and then the hardest but MOST rewarding benefit of obedience and surrender. …truly life changing…..get into a good church…be discipled….grow in your faith…don’t wait for a change..allow God to change you through a relationship with Christ
    Thank you Carson for your inspiration. ..stay strong in the Holy Spirit. ..will be prayin for your ministry…I look forward to what and how The Lord will continue to use you to win souls to Christ ..joe bartell

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  10. Hii, thanks for this words.
    I have only one thing to say, God is wonderful.

    I’m sure God have the best to you and to me too

    Xoxo from Brazil
    Ps. God shine in you

    Moni

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  11. Hi! First off, I really admire the boldness you have in sharing your faith and experiences. God has given you a gift, and it’s amazing to see someone answering his call and just doing all you can to follow him and to seek and obey. It’s very rare. Any way, I’m messaging you because I have a few questions about starting a blog. I’m very interested in doing so, and I feel it would be a great way to express the MANY things The Holy Spirit has been showing me the past few years that I, and many others, are completely blind to (about our culture, relationships, social media, etc, all from a candid Christian perspective) my questions are: Which website did you use? Was it free?…And let’s get real. I don’t want this future blog I create to glorify me in any way. Only God. And Truth. I want to help people, and share Christ. That’s my only goal. So Any advice?? Thank you(:

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  12. Hey Carson, I’ve been following your blog for a long time and I absolutely love it! Your words are so encouraging and you have inspired me to start blogging. I would love your feedback if you get a chance to read my posts sometime. ❤
    rootedinrelentlesslove.wordpress.com
    -Kenzie

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  13. God is amazing. Amazing to answer the prayers I’ve been praying these past five months in different ways. These have been the hardest I’ve ever endured, some days are better than others. But I thank God for using vessels like this to pull at my heart strings – to refocus back to Him.
    Thanks Carson, it’s comforting to know I’m not fighting alone.

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  14. Love is a priority
    Truth is a priority
    This aching magnetic heart is constantly attacked, But only God can heal and may or may not give us a healer until we become one. The truth of uncertainty lies within the matter of trust and chastity through charity of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. Through this clarity, we can achieve a state of inexhaustible certainty that God will do what He has promised in faithfulness. Though we may feel lonely, He presents to us doors by which to better glorify Him and live in a constant state of communion with the Creator of All. May we build together in love.

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  15. Thank you, Carson. I have spent a lot of energy fighting this season of singleness. Thanks for the reminder that it’s time to stop this and embrace this time to learn and grow closer to God.

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