Dating is so hard in our world today because it is almost non-existent. If you look around, there aren’t many couples committed to each other. Hooking up has taken the place of dating. What’s happened is that we’ve sacrificed our normal values for short flings that really don’t give value to either person. Sadly, we all know this and have put ourselves in dumb situations, yet it’s still the hard truth. But for those who are dating and struggling some of the time: this blog is for you. I hope you can learn and grow from some of my personal experiences (2.5 years with a beautiful girl) and also the viewpoints of some of my close friends. At the end of the day, we are all in the same boat. Our relationships all go through rocky times. Let’s learn from each other.
Communication can’t be overlooked. If you want to understand the one you’re dating, you have to be able to communicate well. The hardship of that? Hearing the heart of the other person. This takes some serious thinking and selflessness. You have to get inside their mind for a minute. That’s the thing about two different people, it’s that internally we are wired differently. You may react differently than your significant other, you may feel things differently, you may even love differently. The KEY? Practice understanding what that is for the other person you’re dating. Spending time together is easy, but how often are you paying attention to them? Because if you’re not paying attention to them and what they do, then you aren’t learning that much. And if you aren’t learning then you’ll never be able to grow? A good friend of mine said, “learning to cherish the way the other person is will help you conquer hardships within the relationship.” So don’t pass up on the little moments. It’s super hard striving to understand what the other is thinking, but we all know what happens if you don’t…fights break out and you end up hitting yourself in the head because you could’ve done better about it. Details really do matter. Prevention comes to play there, and you’ll be better prepared to prevent as you learn more about the one you “love.”
Think about them as much as you think about you. I know it’s easier said than done but even God tells us that pride will lead us nowhere (Psalm 25). You have to kill the “me” mentality if you really want a relationship to work, especially one that you see long term. Another thing I heard from a friend, “if you’re beginning to see long term, you must start thinking less about yourself.” If you start something off as a fling and you aren’t really investing then yes it’s easy to be selfish and that selfishness won’t get you anywhere. So if I’m honest, don’t sweat it, you weren’t cut out for it anyways. But for those fighting for longevity…kill your “me.” I’m pretty big on this point because it’s a hardship of my own. I’m a young man, I have pride, I always think I’m right, so I have to fight extra hard. Side note: Men, wake up daily and throw your pride out the window because it won’t win you anything and it definitely won’t slide with a great woman. Trust me, I’m learning. People that are dating, you have to start making your decisions based on WE. Yes, it sucks, but it’s worth it. Once decisions are made that way continually, you’ll find more joy and you’ll see more growth. Don’t we all want that? I believe so. Thinking in this same ballpark though, you can’t lose sight of you. I know that seems contradictory but its the truth. I’m a huge fan of genuine people. It seriously matters. God built us, made us to be US. You are you for a reason, so just because you are dating someone and care for them doesn’t mean you lose sight of yourself. It’s not complicated, it’s the real deal. Remain who you are, while thinking less of you and more of “it’s us together.” You’re the dream team. King and Queen (wow that’s cheesy…but I won’t delete it). Whatever you want to call it, just keep the teamwork.
So another friend led me to this point, “dating is a time for evaluation.” Wow, what a truth. The prime root of these hardships is because there is so much to learn (as talked about above). It’s pretty crazy how many conversations you have to dig through. Whether it’s about another person’s past, things they do that you don’t like, things you know they COULD do, and everything in between. Spiritual endurance matters. Now I didn’t necessarily want to make this thing about “Christian Dating” because I want to reach others (so don’t question me about it) but the truth from my heart is, a relationship with God on BOTH sides is your GO-TO when you seriously have to pummel through the hard times. For me, it’s good to know that when fights break out or nothing even crazy happens, I can run to God and His Word. It’s there that I learn the greatest things and find serious peace that another person COULD NOT give me. As I said, this isn’t all “dating for Christians and do this and that” but it is a reality for me so I encourage you to jot it down. As you evaluate this whole process together, there’s many things you could run to for help. God is one. Wise counsel is one. Great friends is another. But useless products and temporary feelings? I promise you’ll get nothing in return.
Lastly, I have to mention SEX. Everybody loves hearing it but nobody loves talking about it. Sexual stuff is tempting for everyone that is dating. I don’t care if you’re black, white, blue, purple, or from another planet…it is what it is. But your relationship cannot run off sex. It cannot be built on sex. It will not carry you through the fire. My thoughts? God’s Word. Know his bounds, listen to Him, follow His lead. I believe in what HE SAYS about this subject. He has our best interest. Just don’t be weird guys. Be honest with one another and don’t be afraid to ask wiser people who will tell you TRUTH. Some of your “friends” won’t always tell you as a couple, whatever you really need to hear.
At the end of all this, have joy please. I date the greatest girl in the world, Callie and I love every minute of our crazy journey. There is no perfection and there are hardships as you date (hence the title). You learn along the way. Friends can be great teachers, don’t try and live this life alone. Have a laugh, or two or three and press forward. It’s all about endurance. This isn’t a big race to see who can date the best or do this and that. Relationship goals are cool but they aren’t realistic. It takes patience, faith, trust and a “I want this” attitude.
Hope you guys enjoyed.